


Survivor's Guilt

by Leopikachu



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Birthday Sex, Eyes, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kurta Culture, M/M, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Self-Indulgent, Survivor Guilt, just a load of dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-04-18 14:59:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14215665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leopikachu/pseuds/Leopikachu
Summary: Leorio has established a portable clinic in which he travels around the world visiting poverty stricken places and providing medical care. Sometimes he stumbles upon the most unlikely of treasure.





	Survivor's Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> I noticed there was a severe lack of fan fabricated material for Kurapika's birthday so I decided I'd contribute to the cause because god knows our angsty-boi deserves it. Mainly Leorio point of view but sometimes Kurapika's too. I'm still struggling to incorporate the two. Takes place after 13th chairman election arc, ignoring the dc arc. I'm a sucker for hurt/comfort so some of the idea is kinda taken from my other fic but let's ignore that! So self indulgent fic is hella self indulgent and kinda all over the place but its just for fun.

Leorio had always had a love/hate relationship with money. He loved having it and hated the necessity of it. The thought that a few paper bills could influence one's life to such extents enraged Leorio. He lived through the pain of poverty for the majority of his young life. Now that he had the means, he wanted to relieve others of that deprivation. So having obtained his medical licence, Leorio broadcasted to the world of hunters and philanthropists his mission. He would travel around the world in order to provide medical care to poverty stricken locations. The response he received left him exulted beyond worlds. The plethora of donations he received was more than enough to establish a portable clinic in a small jet. Apparently the thought of a charitable, hunter doctor was received well by the world. 

"Here you are Ma'am. Don't forget, these two in the morning, and this one before bed." Leorio handed the old woman three bottles of pills, smiling gently. "We'll have your blood pressure down in no time. Not to mention the arthritis!" Leorio found himself in a small, remote village near Lukso Province, Kurapika's birthplace. He had originally planned to avoid the area but there were too many pleas for help to ignore. He didn't want to cross any lines with the last Kurta, figuring visiting his home would be crossing some kind of unestablished boundary. Not like Kurapika would even know he had ever been there. The two haven't spoken in months but not because of lack of trying. Because Leorio tried. And tried. He called him every week religiously to no avail. It had almost become routine for Leorio. Though he did keep in regular contact with Melody so he knew his blonde friend was still alive.

"Thank you Doctor! You're too kind." The old woman shakily rose from her seated position on her worn, musty arm chair and continued to shuffle into the next room, leaving Leorio standing in her living room wondering whether or not that was his queue to leave the cramped cottage. He'd usually prefer to take patients into his clinic but decided to save some of the seniors the hassle, opting to treat them in the comfort of their own homes. He had just finished packing his equipment back into his signature briefcase when he heard a loud clatter from the room adjacent. Springing to an upright position, Leorio rushed to the woman in a matter of strides only to find her surrounded by a mountain of objects from a fallen shelving unit. 

"Oh goodness! Not again! Do excuse the mess. I can be such a lummox!" The old woman stood in the middle of the pile of what looked like junk, rubbing her temples. "I was looking for your payment. I keep my savings in one of these vases but I can't remember which one!" Leorio walked over to the woman, letting out a lighthearted, warm chuckle and helped her step out of the pile. 

"That isn't necessary Ma'am! My goal isn't money. All I want is your health and comfort. Though I appreciate the gesture." Leorio made quick work of securing the fallen shelving unit back to its original position before bending down to pick up its contents. 

"Is there anything I can do for you? I can't simply let your kindness go unpaid." The old woman sat herself down on a nearby stool as Leorio worked. It was then that Leorio remembered where he was and decided to be bold. 

"Well, could you share some information with me?" The doctor inquired. "What do you know of Lukso Province?" The woman went quiet for a moment before speaking.

"I have never been there personally. I wouldn't dare visit the place after the tragedy that took place there." The wrinkled woman began to tell the tale that Leorio was already far too familiar with but he found listening to it from a local to be even more intriguing and upsetting.

"I had the pleasure of meeting one of the Kurta clan once upon a time." She continued with closed eyes while Leorio had paused his task in favour of sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the woman, listening intently. "Two actually. Two young boys. It was perhaps ten years ago now. Those poor boys. I remember them well. One was quiet and poorly while the other was spirited and fiery, spunky if you will. They were in the local market when three men approached them and started to insult the smaller, poorly boy. Oh those men treated those boys terribly. I tried to make them stop their harassment but then the blonde haired boy's eyes turned a brilliant, fearsome scarlet. Those eyes had a lasting impression on anyone who witnessed the scene. Haunting beauty that would fill any observer with dread. I called him a demon. He looked as if a demon had possessed him. How could a child, no more that twelve otherwise manage to take down three grown men? It was shocking!" Leorio was beginning to fit the pieces together then. Two boys, one poorly, one blonde in the local market beating up their attackers. This story was familiar because he had hear it before from the blonde boy himself. The dark haired man went pale and concentrated on the space enclosed by his crossed legs. 

"I didn't mean it when I called the boy a demon. I was ignorant. It was only after the massacre had taken place and news stories about the Kurta Clan reached every screen within hundreds of miles did I learn of the true nature of the Kurta. When a Kurta experiences great emotion, their eyes react by turning a burning scarlet. Of course the boy's eyes turned in that moment. Those men where abusing his friend. It couldn't be helped. Those boy are most likely dead now anyway. It makes me sick to think about." The woman wiped at her eyes before struggling to her feet again, holding her hip as it made a loud "pop" sound. She made her way across the tiny room before reaching a small corner cabinet. She tentatively wrapped her wrinkled, boney fingers around the handled before slowly pulling the door open as it creaked in protest.

"My son was once part of an underground flesh collecting team. Before he was killed he paid me a visit and left these in my care. He said that I mustn't tell anyone that I have them, that these will pay for a new life for us. However shortly after he departed again I was informed that he had been murdered for stealing them." The woman turned towards Leorio holding a large, rectangular dusty box. "I never had any intention of selling them. It wouldn't be right. I would rather live in poverty than live off of money made from some poor soul's suffering. But I would very much like them gone from my home. The though of these being held prisoner in my cabinet, the very reason my son is dead makes me lose sleep at night." Leorio was quick to stand up, his head beginning to spin. He has never seen a pair of scarlet eyes in person before and he didn't think he was ready. 

"Well doctor, I think I'd like to give them to you. I know I don't have any power over what you'll do to with them but I trust you'll do what is right. Maybe sell them to a museum and use the profit towards your clinic." The old lady placed the box gently onto a nearby table before sliding the lid off the top. Leorio was right when he said he wasn't ready to behold the sight. The only pair of scarlet eyes he had ever seen were Kurapika's and he was very much alive. Though whenever he saw Kurapika's scarlet, he was induced into that state through anger. Leorio thought they were beautiful but they made him feel uncomfortable. These eyes were completely different. They were a more brilliant scarlet than that he'd seen of Kurapika's. Unlike the uncomfortable feeling he got from his friend's, these eyes filled him the an unimaginable intense sense of dread and trepidation. He watched them slowly bob in the containers they were kept in. They had a particularly horrifying and haunting beauty that made Leorio want to scream and cry and fold into himself all at once. *That could have been Kurapika.* Those eyes could have easily been Kurapika's if he hadn't passed his exam to enter the outside world. The doctor would be the first to admit that he cared deeply for his friend and even though they haven't spoken in months, the bond they once shared is something that Leorio holds on to. And to think those eyes could be Kurapika's sent Leorio over the edge and he grabbed the lid from the old lady and smashed it back down over to cover the set, breathing heavily. 

"Sorry! Sorry, I eh... didn't meant be rude and grab that from you. It's just... I don't know. Something came over me, I couldn't look at them any longer." Leorio sheepishly rubbed his sweating palms on his thighs. "I understand. I felt nothing but dread when I first saw them too. It's almost as if they are staring straight at you." The old woman placed a frail hand on Leorio's forearm. "Well Doctor they are yours if you want them. I can't think of any other way to express my gratitude."

.....

 

Leorio sat back in his jet, glaring at the box holding the scarlet eyes. He had to get these to Kurapika as soon a possible. He didn't like the feeling of unease that took over him being in the box's presence. He pulled out his phone and crossed his fingers as he dialed the all too familiar number. He tapped his foot in time with the dial tone that never seemed to cease. Until it did and the line went dead. *Dammit Kurapika, answer me!* he thought as he tried again and again in vain, even leaving a voicemail. Deciding that it was no use, the doctor started typing a text. "Kurapika, answer me. This is important. I can't discuss details over the phone. I'm not that stupid. But you're going to want to know about this. Where are you? Don't make me call Melody." Leorio hit send before leaning back in his chair and throwing his phone across the desk. Kurapika's negligence not only pissed the older male off but it hurt. Hurt like a bitch. Sure Leorio had a lot of friends. He made friends in college, then again when he reached out to the association for donations and even on his travels around the world. But despite that, none of them felt meaningful. Ever since meeting Gon, Killua and Kurapika every bond he has formed with others pales in comparison. He still maintains regular contact with the two younger boys who reunited and are currently travelling the world. At one stage last year they even accompanied Leorio on his jet around the world for a few weeks. Though he was sad when they made their departure, Leorio felt relieved. He felt relieved because he no longer felt jealous. Sure he was close to them but in the end it was always Gon and Killua then Kurapika and him. But unlike Gon and Killua who had gotten a whole lot closer, the other two had drifted. Seeing how happy they were together filled Leorio with an empty sadness. He could hardly get a text from his blonde friend let alone spend everyday with him. He missed his friend. He missed the simple bliss of the hunter exam where they'd wonder around an island for days searching for tags. He missed the days where he knew Kurapika was safe and alive. 

Leorio sighed to himself, knowing that there was nothing he could do about his current predicament. He stood up and started towards the back room of his jet where there was a small living space where he kept his bed and essentials like food and his clothes. As he was about to pull open the narrow door, he heard a loud vibration behind him. Leorio practically pounced on the desk where his phone was placed, effectively tripping over the chair, coming crashing to the ground with a large clatter. He managed to hit his chin off the desk on the way down, causing jaw to slam shut and bite his tongue. 

"Son of a bitch!" Leorio cursed as he lay in a heap on he floor, his desk chair lay fallen beside him. He could taste the blood seeping from his abused tongue. The dark haired man hauled himself up off the floor and stood over the desk, reaching out to grab his phone. 

"KURAPIKA!!! Is that you?" Leorio shouted down the phone, only realising how loud he was being after the words left his mouth. He hoped none of the villagers heard him through the thin metal walls of the jet. 

"Why are you shouting, Leorio? Why are you trying to contact me." Leorio felt his heart thump in is chest as soon as he heard the melodic voice of the Kurta, slightly irritated.

"Don't sound so pissed off at me. I'm the one who should be pissed off. Why haven't you answered my calls? Where are you?" Leorio had forgotten about the scarlet eyes in the heat of the moment, distracting himself by asking trivial question he knew he wouldn't receive honest answers to.

"I don't have time for this Leorio. If that's all, I'm going to hang up now." 

"No, no, no, no! Wait! I need to see you." Leorio cringed at his poor choice of words, realising how desperate he sounded. "I mean, this is important. I can't say anything over the phone but I need to meet with you in person. Trust me." The doctor pleaded. Sure he wanted to get the eyes to Kurapika but he'd be lying to himself if he said that was his only motive. He'd been longing for a reunion with the blonde for quite some time now. He heard Kurapika release a breathy sigh on the other end of the line that sent shivers down his spine. Leorio shook his head. 

"I'll have Melody text you details of where we'll meet up. This better be important Leorio. I hope you know that you're putting yourself in danger just by calling me." Kurapika went silent waiting for Leorio to reply. The older had always been fascinated by the sound of Kurapika's voice. Now that he hadn't heard it in so long, he was holding onto every last syllable. It was so melodic and breathy and gentle with the faintest hint of an accent that mesmerized Leorio. "Leorio? Can you hear me? Hello?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm here." Leorio snapped himself out of his daze. What was wrong with him? "Be quick about it. I'd like to get back to my original plans." Leorio once again scolded his choice of words. He didn't want to come across as desperate but it wasn't his intention to sound so demanding. 

"Yeah, whatever." Kurapika's tone changed slightly. He was quieter with a hint of shock. 

"Sorry, I mean... I don't know what I mean. Just don't leave me waiting. Okay?"

"I'll let Melody know now. It's safer this way. I need to go now." The line went dead and Leorio let his hand drop on his side. 

 

.....

 

It was only a few hours before Leorio's phone buzzed again and his phone screen lit up, causing him to stir in his already light sleep. He groggily sat up and reached for his glasses on the locker next to him. Reaching across for his phone, the doctor grunted as his vision was assaulted by the blinding screen in contrast to his otherwise black surroundings. It took his eyes a minute to adjust to the brightness but when he did it was there. The expected message from Melody. "I'm going to call you. Is that okay?" Leorio was expecting just a message containing details of a rendez-vous point so when his phone started to ring his voice wasn't ready. 

"Hello?" Leorio's voice was groggy and husky in his sleepy state. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Melody. Is everything okay?"

"Leorio, how are you? Kurapika told me about your conversation earlier today. I'm not going to ask what all of this is about but I trust you. Despite the business you have with Kurapika, he has a few days off next week. I talked to our boss and convinced him to force Kurapika to take a few days leave before he can come back to work. He's so run down lately. He doesn't know I'm telling you this but I though I should let you know. With you being a doctor and all I'd appreciate if you could take care of Kurapika while he's off work. It's his birthday next week after all." 

"It's his birthday? I never knew that!" Leorio wondered why he never discovered the other's birthday after all these years. He didn't even know his exact age. "Sure. Yeah, of course. So where do I go?"

 

.....

 

Leorio arrived in Swaldani City a few days after his call with Melody. She had told him that Kurapika had a small apartment that he visits every couple of months and figured that it would be most convenient. He found himself in front of the apartment door clutching the box with the eyes along with another smaller one. He decided that he'd get something for Kurapika's birthday and with lack of knowledge about the blonde's preferences, he opted for the safe option of a non-fiction, leather bound, history book. He'd remember the blonde constantly reading during the hunter exam. He felt kind of awkward as he rapped his knuckles against the dark wooden door and waited for an answer. His heart stopped when the door slowly began to slide open.

"Kurapika..." Leorio looked down at his blonde friend. Though it had been months since he last saw him, Kurapika hadn't changed much. He was still just as short, just barely reaching his shoulder. His hair was slightly longer, falling in golden strands beyond his chin. Despite the dark circles that took up residence under his eyes, he was still pretty. He had always been pretty, Leorio didn't deny it. He had accepted the fact long ago that Kurapika was more than easy to look at. Though he did feel weird admitting it still. "Hi." 

"Come in." Kurapika stepped aside, allowing a clear path for the taller man into his apartment. Kurapika was being irrationally cold and he knew but he couldn't allow himself to be distracted. He missed his friend but he couldn't dwell on what if's and if only's. The blonde watched as his taller friend stepped into his apartment. He presumed Leorio had been training more as not only was his presence stronger but he noticed the subtle way in which his shirt stained against his biceps as he carried the two boxes. Now that Kurapika looked at him, he had definitely filled out more. It was evident that Leorio hadn't properly shaved in a while though his dark stubble looked well kept. It made him look even older than he already did. That was about all that changed about the other though, his hair still stood impossibly spiky and he still adorned those ridiculously small, goofy tea-shades.

Leorio looked around at his immaculately clean surroundings. The walls were cream with a dark wooden floor. There was a small, neat bookshelf in the corner and two light sofas with a mahogany coffee table in between with a TV mounted on the wall. Beyond that, there was a small kitchenette behind a matching mahogany dining set. There were two doors on either side of the kitchen that Leorio supposed led to a bathroom and a bedroom. The apartment was nice but bereft of any kind of personal touch. It had no personality. It simply looked like something from a catalog. It even smelled like polish and new. If new had a smell...

"I don't even get a hello. Wow." Leorio spun back around to see Kurapika gently close the door. He was wearing a black dress pants and a white shirt that fitted his slender figure perfectly. Leorio wondered to himself where his traditional Kurta clothes went but decided not to pry.

"Not to be rude but why are you here Leorio?" Kurapika watched as Leorio strode over to the kitchen and placed the two boxes on the counter top. 

"After I got my medical licence I got sponsored by a bunch of philanthropists and now I have this clinic in a small jet." Leorio leaned back on the counter and watched Kurapika walk towards him, stopping when he reached the dining table and folded his arms across his chest. "For the past year I've traveled to poverty stricken areas of the world to provide medical aid. Anyway, last week I found myself in a small village near Lukso Province." Kurapika's eyebrows pulled together and he looked at the floor. "I wanted to avoid the place ya'know, out of respect for you. But anyway, I was treating this old woman there. I don't charge anything for my services, that would defeat my purpose but some people are insistent. Well this woman gave me these." Leorio turned to the dusty box and tentatively slid the lid off to reveal the scarlet eyes bobbing in their cases. He glanced at Kurapika who remained completely still, eyes fixated on the sight before him. To Leorio's surprise, his blonde friend was expressionless but the telltale red that slightly tinged his irises did not go unnoticed by Leorio. "Kurapika?"

Kurapika shook his head slightly before walking towards his taller friend. Leorio watched each graceful step he took until he was directly in front of him. Leorio swallowed. The blonde extended his arm out and reached behind Leorio to grab the lid for the box. "I'm sorry to have dragged you into this." He stepped aside and replaced the lid onto the box, quelling the scarlet hue emanating from the eyes. 

"You okay?" Leorio inquired. Obviously concerned for his friend, the dark haired man approached him and lay a hand on his shoulder, taking note of how firm and strong it felt beneath his grasp. 

"Yeah, it's not the first time I've seen the scarlet eyes. I've retrieved a few other pairs but still... Everytime I see them I blank. My nerves feel like they've been set on fire with rage." Kurapika looked up at Leorio, with furrowed eyebrows. They stayed like that for a moment. Silent words of reassurance passing between their gaze. Leorio gave his friend's shoulder a light squeeze before Kurapika grasped the box and walked towards one of the doors and disappearing behind it and returning empty handed. The blonde walked towards one of the sofas and lowered himself down onto it, gesturing for Leorio to sit opposite him. 

"So... eh, Melody said your birthday was this week." Leorio gingerly grabbed the other plain white box before sitting down. "I didn't know what to get you but I figured you might want to expand your encyclopedia of a brain so..." The doctor carefully handed the box to Kurapika who accepted it diffidently. "When is your birthday anyway? And what age are you?" Leorio inquired, determined to fill the silence and genuinely curious. 

"Tomorrow, April 4th. I'll be twenty two." Kurapika said while opening the box, a small smile playing on his lips when he saw the large, elegant, leather bound book. "It's lovely. Thank you, Leorio, you really shouldn't have. Melody got me a book as well. She trying to force her love of fantasy on me. But I don't usually read fiction." 

"You're welcome. She also told me you can't return to work for a few days." Kurapika glared at him. "She asked me to look after you. Well, not look after you but keep an eye on you. No that's not right." Leorio struggled to find words. When did he become do awkward around his friend. "Just... Keep you company I guess."

"There's no need for that. I can take care of myself. I'll just stay here for a few days and catch up on my reading." Kurapika looked vexed. He didn't like the idea of his friends arranging to babysit him. It was insulting. "As you said, you have plans to resume to."

"No I don't." Leorio said with a little too much force that caused Kurapika to looked at him questioningly. "I only said that because I was starting to sound desperate. Well I mean I do have long list of towns to visit but it can wait for a few days." The older man leaned forward in his chair and stared at his friend. "Please. Let me spend these few days with you. To be honest, I miss you." Leorio knew he was crossing lines but he didn't care. "I miss knowing that you're okay. I miss just talking to you."

"Leorio, you know I have things to do. And don't blame me. You had your priorities too." Kurapika looked annoyed at Leorio's frankness. 

"Sure, I know that, that's life. But it wouldn't hurt to answer your damn phone from time to time. I'm sick of not knowing. You could be dead in an alley somewhere and I'd have no idea." 

"I'm sure Melody would inform you." Kurapika's retort was blunt.

"Kurapika! That's besides the point. The point is that it wouldn't hurt to pick up the phone every now and again."

"Besides that fact that it would endanger you to have any contact with me, there isn't a point." Kurapika knew he was being heartless but he couldn't stop himself. "What's the point of staying in contact when I'm not even sure I'll live to see the end of my mission. You can't be friends with a dead man."

"Of course there's a point Kurapika." Leorio stood up from his seat in favor of sitting next to Kurapika on the other sofa. Ignoring how to blonde pressed himself to the opposite arm in attempts to put as much distance between them as possible. "You're my friend. And what about Gon and Killua. How would they feel if they heard you talking like this. Have you lost your mind?" Without thinking, Leorio grabbed Kurapika's hands that were neatly folded in his lap. He heard Kurapika give a light gasp at the contact but ignored it. "It hurts me to see you on this path of self destruction. There are people that care about you. That want you to live. I care about you. We may hardly talk anymore but that doesn't matter, I still consider you a dear friend. Does that not mean anything to you?" 

Kurapika looked down, his eyes covered by his bangs. Why did Leorio impose himself on him to such extents? He pulled his hands away from the other before standing up. 

"Come with me." Kurapika ushered in a hushed tone. "I thought you understood by now but I'll just have to show you." The blonde was clearly agitated as he retrieved the box with the eyes, pulled on his coat and stormed out the door, Leorio at his heels. 

 

.....

 

A fifteen minute walk of tense silence through the slums of the city found the pair in a series of narrow, damp alleys. Kurapika shoved the box into Leorio's arms before turning towards a thick metal door in the building next to them. He pulled out a key from his pant pocket and shoved it into the lock before walking inside. 

"Close the door after you." Kurapika ordered and continued into the dimly lit hallways of the building. It smelled of must and mildew and the air was damp. It made Leorio shiver but he followed the blonde anyway. After walking down a series of deplorable corridors, Kurapika turned down a set of stairs that led to what looked like the door to a large safe. Watching quietly as the blonde entered the long pass code into the digital lock, Leorio was starting to regret arguing in the first place. He was meant to be taking care of his friend and judging but the stiffness in Kurapika's shoulders and his rigid body language, the doctor was doing the exact opposite. Kurapika pushed the heavy metal door inwards and it groaned in protest. He stepped inside and waited for Leorio to follow before shutting the door behind him. The pair now stood in a small, cold, empty room. On the opposite wall there was another door. This time just a simple light wood door. Leorio noticed immediately the slight red light that seeped from under the door that seemed to bleed onto the floor before it. 

"I am the only one that has ever stepped foot in this room. You must never speak of it to anyone or never come here again after today. Do you understand?" Kurapika's voice was unsympathetic and blunt. It was a warning and Leorio didn't want to know what would happen if he broke the conditions that he set. Clutching the box in his hands, Leorio replied.

"Yeah, of course. Kurapika what is this? Where are we?" Without answering his question, Kurapika opened the door and stepped inside the room. Leorio froze. His vision was obstructed by red. No, scarlet. The second Kurapika opened the door, the colour painted everything in sight. It was relentless as it bled over everything in Leorio's field of vision. He tentatively took a step forward, then another, his fingers beginning to ache from clutching the box so hard. The room wasn't just a room. It looked like a church. The ceiling arched to allow the church a high domed ceiling adorned with elaborate wooden architecture that followed through onto the walls. It was all arches and curves. There were multiple candles and plants scattered meticulously along the walls and the floor along with various different statues of what Leorio presumed to be of Kurta religion. But the most striking feature was the alter. Leorio beheld the sight before him. On the alter were more diligently placed statues, candles and plants but in the middle of it all were multiple sets of scarlet eyes. If Leorio couldn't stand the sight of the eyes he had given Kurapika, he thought he was going to go insane from the sheer amount of them now. The intense feeling of despondency and trepidation was increased a thousand times over. 

"Kurapika...?" Leorio looked at his shorter friend as he approached him and took the lid off the box he was holding. Kurapika's eyes had turned scarlet too, echoing that of his clan-mate's. Carefully, Kurapika picked up the pair of eyes in their containers and started towards the alter. Leorio could sense the tense air around him and had a feeling that he was going to crack.

"This is my family, Leorio. This is all I have left. There are thirty-six pairs of scarlet eyes in existence. I now have thirteen of those. There was 128 members of my clan but some eyes weren't deemed pretty enough and were instead left to rot along with the rest of my people." Kurapika stepped onto the alter and gingerly placed the new set of eyes next to the others before turning around to look down at the doctor. "I need to find the rest of my family. I need to give them a proper burial. How can I rest until then?" Kurapika's eyes had taken on a completely different scarlet than Leorio had ever seen before. They were an astonishing, scorching mixture of scarlet, crimson and magenta, so intense that Leorio found it hard to maintain eye contact. "How can you possibly expect me to move on when I should be with my family. When my eyes should have been placed in a jar and auctioned off to the highest bidder!" Leorio's mouth went dry. What does he say? His brain went into overdrive in an attempt to discern the right words. He was tugged back to reality when he heard a choked sob from the alter. Kurapika's was on the verge of a meltdown and Leorio had no idea how to stop it. Not knowing what else to do, he jogged up to Kurapika and started to wrap his arms around his friend's now frail frame. 

"Don't touch me!" Kurapika shouted as he brought his hands up to cover his face. "Just... leave." Leorio watched in horror as a violent sob wracked Kurapika's form. 

"Kurapika... Hey, hey..." Leorio put his hands on the blonde's shoulders in attempt to steady him before his knees gave out from under him. "I understand now. I get it. I'm sorry. What can I do? Tell me what to do?" Kurapika didn't answer, he just continued to sob. Leorio once again, wrapped his arms around his friends, their height difference making it slightly awkward. He gently guided them to the floor where he allowed Kurapika to completely let go of himself and collapse into his chest. Unable to find the right words to comfort his friend, Leorio decided that he'd simply rub small, reassuring circles into his back and smooth down his hair with the other hand. They stayed like that until Kurapika's sobs turned into gasps that eventually turned into silence. 

"Sorry." Was all Kurapika said before clearing is throat and rising again to his feet. "I don't know where that came from. I haven't cried in years about this. I didn't think I could anymore." Leorio could tell that his friend was beyond embarrassed by the display. 

"Hey, don't apologise." Leorio rose to his feet as well and raised his hand to rub the back of his neck sheepishly. "At least I know you're human now. I was beginning to wonder for a second." Leorio let out a nervous laugh. "Listen. I really appreciate you showing me this. Is this what a traditional Kurta church looked like?" Leorio asked, needing Kurapika to talk to him. 

"Um.. yeah sort of. The the plants are different and the only authentic statue is that one there." Kurapika pointed to the statue in the middle of the alter. "I had the rest made based off of that one and sketches I drew. And traditionally there was a lot more windows. Not even windows, there was no glass in the village. There was ports and archways in the building. So much that it was more of a shelter than a building. So plants and flowers grew inside the church as well as on the structure itself. We were people of nature. It was a big part of our religion. To co-exist in harmony with nature. There weren't any candles but I added them to try and replicate the warm light that was always in the church but it's kind of a pathetic attempt." Kurapika trailed off, a distant look in his eyes. 

"That sounds beautiful. I wish I could have seen it." Leorio gave Kurapika a sad smile.

"I can show you sometime." Kurapika had this uncharacteristic look of childlike hope in his eyes that made Leorio wonder if he had went over the edge. "I haven't returned to my village since then but once I retrieve all the eyes I plan to return there to give them a traditional Kurta burial next to the church." Leorio felt his heart break again. He had always been aware of just how tragic Kurapika's past really was but now, hearing him open up about it really hit home with Leorio. But judging by the look in the blonde's eyes, talking about it brought a sense of comfort to Kurapika. He realised then just how little he knew about the Kurta people and how little Kurapika talked about his clan. 

"Hey, do you want to go get dinner?" It wasn't a date, Leorio told himself as he felt heat rushing to his cheeks. "I mean, it is your birthday tomorrow and we should celebrate. It's only," Leorio checked his watch, "five o clock. That gives us plenty of time. I'm buying. If you'd do me the honour, I'd like to hear more about your culture." Leorio sheepishly kicked the ground at his feet before looking up to meet Kurapika's eyes. 

"I'd like that." Kurapika smiled at him through puffy eyes and Leorio's heart did a little flip in his chest. What was going on with him? 

"Do you mind if I use your shower first though, I smell like crap. I'm still not used to flying by myself, you know with my jet and all." Leorio realised that Kurapika was unaware of his newly obtained piloting license. "It's scary you know. I always break out in a sweat and end up completely soaking any shirt I wear." Leorio chuckled.

"Classy as always I see. Thanks for the mental image." Kurapika echoed his chuckle with his own and Leorio's heart did another strange twist as he realised it had been months since he last heard the laugh and missed the captivating tinkling of it. 

 

.....

 

They made their way back to Kurapika's apartment, the journey back being much more light-hearted that the one before. Kurapika's bathroom was just as pristine as the rest of his apartment, every surface practically glistening. Leorio wasn't long in the shower before he switched off the water and wrapped the towel securely around his lean waist. He looked around for his bag that he had brought with him with his spare clothes in it before realising that he had left in Kurapika's kitchen. Without thinking twice he stepped out of the bathroom to get his bag. He hoped Kurapika had gotten over his fear of nudity.

 

Kurapika had already gotten changed into a fresh set of dress pants and shirt and decided to wear a blue sweater over his shirt. He was beyond embarrassed from what had happened earlier that day. He hadn't allowed himself to cry in years and honestly, he felt better because of it. Leorio helped as well. Though he didn't want to admit it to Leorio, there was no denying that his older friend had made the ordeal a lot easier. He was now surprisingly in a good mood. Talking about his clan had helped him feel better, he discovered. He was so busy mourning their loss that he never bothered to celebrate their once colourful existence. Though he was filled with an indescribable despondency day after day, Kurapika realised that he had never shared details about his clan with anyone before. Somehow, by sharing his culture with Leorio, he felt reassured. He had realised then that he didn't want his culture to die with him, he wanted it to live on and what better way to ensure its continuity by starting with his closest friend. Because Leorio was his closest friend and Kurapika knew that he was underappreciated and taken for granted. But that's just the way it had to be for now. Maybe things could change after he finished his mission. If he ever finished it.

Kurapika heard the bathroom door open and watched as Leorio emerged from the steam wearing only a towel. Kurapika felt his mouth go dry and he knew he was staring but he couldn't help it. He had seen Leorio shirtless before, he had even seen him naked and even then Kurapika had to admit that he was attractive. But now that Leorio had filled out even more, Kurapika may have gawked. He was all tan and muscle and the way the water clung to his flushed skin made Kurapika release a small, hopefully inaudible squeak. He covered his mouth and coughed and tried to hid his evident blush behind the book Leorio had given him. 

"Sorry, I forgot my bag." Kurapika watched him as he turned towards the kitchen to pick up his bag. The way his defined back muscles flexed as he bent to pick up his back left Kurapika with a blush that he was sure reached his chest. And oh god is that chest hair? 

"You okay Kurapika?" Leorio said raising an eyebrow at him. "Don't tell me your still bothered by nudity. We're both guys. Don't go attacking me again whatever you do." Leorio chuckled, obviously noticing how bothered Kurapika had become. 

"Go put on some clothes before I do attack you." Kurapika scolded behind his book. He heard Leorio pad back into the bathroom and close the door. Kurapika didn't exactly consider himself gay. Or did he? He wasn't too sure. He never bothered to think about it before and never had the time or mindset for a relationship. He did know that he always did feel a certain tension around Leorio when they used to spend time together. And the more time he spent apart from him the more he found himself thinking about him and missing him. Sure he missed Gon and Killua too but in a different way. 

Kurapika was glad that his raging blush has dissipated before Leorio stepped out fully clothed in his usual blue suit. Some things never change. 

"Ready?"

 

.....

 

In the end, they chose a small Italian restaurant in the city centre. Leorio ordered Vongole Bianco while Kurapika opted for the Peperoncino Pasta. They discussed all things Kurta as they waited for the waitress to come back with their orders. Kurapika told Leorio of the Lukso Hens that the Kurta used as mounts and the time him and Pairo stole one and raced around the village. He told Leorio of his first bokken his father gave him and how they'd stay up late training. He even told him of the various Kurta beliefs and myths that his mother used to tell him before bed. 

"Here you are sirs." The waitress handed them their dishes. "Anything to drink?" Kurapika was about to refuse but Leorio piped up.

"Yeah actually could I get a bottle of your best white?" Kurapika glared at him as the waitress walked off.

"Leorio, I don't drink." 

"Well there's a first time for everything." Kurapika shot daggers at him. "C'mon its your birthday. Relax." The waitress returned with the bottle and filled both their glasses before leaving them again. Kurapika raised the glass to his lips and wrinkled his nose at the poignant smell before tilting the glass forward, allowing a small amount through his parted lips. Leorio watched his face intently and waited for his reaction. 

"Its not the best thing I've tasted but I can endure it." Kurapika admitted holding the glass at eye level and squinting at its contents before taking another drink, this time a gulp. Leorio watched the gentle bob of his throat as he swallowed and the dark haired man felt a shiver run down his spine. 

"Hey, take it easy. This is your first time right?" Leorio wondered. "Drinking. You've never drank before?"

"I haven't. I've always been too busy." Kurapika took another sip and felt an unfamiliar warmth rush to his face followed by a wave of strangely pleasant dizziness. 

"Well I'm glad to be the one to share the breaking of your virginity." Kurapika looked at him then with an eyebrow raised and lips slightly parted. "Alcohol virginity." Leorio coughed as he awkwardly took a gulp of wine. "Anyway, let's eat." 

The two continued their light-hearted conversation throughout dinner. Kurapika talked more about the Kurta clan before asking Leorio about his life.

"Yeah I knew that I wanted to be a doctor and help the poor but I never really thought of how exactly I'd get to patients after I got my medical license. So I reached out to the rich people I used to hate growing up. But the response I received was remarkable. So after gathering enough money, I bought a jet and turned it into a clinic. It's not that big but its really something. I have all the latest medical equipment and every drug under the sun." Leorio's excitability made Kurapika's smile down at his half finished dish. It was a big portion but he had no doubt he would finish it. When he did eat, he certainly wasn't a picky eater. 

"So yeah I kinda live in the jet too. There's a small room in the back that I converted to a living space. It's really handy but it gets lonely."

"Maybe I can accompany you. When the time comes." Kurapika surprised himself with his frankness. He looked at the bottle and realised it was almost gone and realisation hit that this was how alcohol worked. He looked up at Leorio who sported a massive goofy grin. 

"Really? Yeah, I mean you’re small and I wouldn’t mond sharing the bed with you.” Leorio looked at him, glass raised. Kurapika thought about that and decided he liked the thought. “You can search for the eyes while I treat patients." The wine had also gone to Leorio's head, evidently. But even through his tipsy haze, Kurapika admitted that the idea actually sounded appealing. 

"Gon and Killua actually traveled with me for a few weeks a while back." Leorio said as he ordered another bottle of wine. "It was nice having company. They haven't changed a bit by the way. Well apart from the little development. They tried to keep it secret but Gon has never been discreet about anything."

"What do you mean?" Kurapika inquired, finishing his second glass of wine.

"Gon and Killua are a thing now. I mean it was gonna happen eventually what with Gon being so innocent and Killua being Killua. He was sure to take advantage of him." Leorio chuckled at Kurapika's expression who's mouth had formed a soft "O". "Nah really though, they seem happy together. I just wish they were more stealthy. I would have very much not have liked to walk in on... Well, y'know." Leorio made a crude gesture with his hands that made Kurapika choke on the wine he was drinking at that moment. They both broke into a fit of laughter at the ordeal, especially when wine came back up Kurapika's nose the second their waitress came back with the second bottle. They both tried to stifle their giggles as she looked at them questioningly, Kurapika hiding his face as he attempted to clean his face of wine.

 

Having finished their meal and second bottle of wine, they ordered dessert. The pair were both pretty full but didn't want the night to end just yet. Kurapika was undoubtedly drunk at this stage and Leorio wasn't too far behind. 

"So, what's the current state of your love life, Leorio?" Kurapika was fulling feeling the affects of alcohol now and was thoroughly enjoying not caring about what words left his mouth. 

"Pfft, what love life? I haven't had a girlfriend since college and I haven't gotten laid in months. It's sad really." Leorio chuckled and picked at his parfait.

"Girlfriend, huh? Was it serious?" Kurapika stared at the older intently.

"Aria? Yeah I guess. She was great really. Smart, blonde, short. My type ya'know." Leorio scolded himself as he realised what he had just insinuated and glanced at Kurapika who's eyebrows were raised. "But eh... It just didn't work out. We wanted different things." 

"What did you want?" Kurapika questioned in a hushed tone, leaning forward slightly. Leorio thought about that for a minute. What had happened between Aria and him? Though Leorio knew he didn't really need to think about it when he looked at the blonde in front of him. 

*You* was what he had wanted to say but decided against it. "I don't know... I wanted to fulfil my dream and travel and heal and..." He paused. "She just wasn't right for me I guess. What about you? Anyone I should know of?"

"Not really. Well there was this one girl that I met while accompanying Basho, my co-worker to a local bar. I didn't want to go but Melody said it would be good for me. Basho introduced me to her and said she'd had her eye on me the whole night. I wasn't really into it but that didn't stop Basho from pushing her into me. I guess I tried to get into it. We made our way back to my car and stayed there for a while but I just couldn't. I didn't feel anything. And she was pretty and not even that drunk. I eventually told her to stop and took her home." Kurapika giggled halfheartedly. "Pathetic right? And there was no movement down there, nothing! Needless to say that was my first and last kiss." Leorio blinked at him. He had expected the Kurta to laugh in his face when he asked him about his love life. He was shocked that Kurapika hadany experience at all. He just couldn’t picture him in that kind of situation. It felt wrong. Well he could picture Kurapika in that kind of position with himself and boy was it... 

Leorio coughed. “You're not gay are you? Or even asexual? Because there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! You know I wouldn't judge you. You can tell me anything." Leorio was honestly curious now. Kurapika laughed.

"When my clan was massacred and I had to live in the outside world that was something that really stuck out to me." Kurapika looked at Leorio through half lidded, drunken eyes. "All these labels. And the discrimination. People were so concerned with each other's business and sexuality and everyone was so judgmental. That's something I was warned about before taking my exam to enter the outside world. They'd say that people outside were not like us, they were full of hate and discrimination. In my clan, you were you and that was it. There was no such thing as questioning someone else's identity or shaming someone for being different because that was what was normal." Leorio was fascinated by this concept and he continued to listen. "So when two people fell in love the was that. Whether it was same sex, opposite sex or something completely different. There was never such thing as having to justify a relationship because love was love and that was it. My people were believers in soul mates so when two people felt a strong connection to each other that was all there was to it." Kurapika smiled at him, relishing in the happiness he felt in sharing his culture.

"I think the world could learn a thing or two from your people, Pika" Leorio said softly, deciding he liked the pet name. Kurapika did too judging from the smile tugging the corners of his lips upward. 

"Pika..." He echoed before clearing his throat and changing the subject. So. I would be lying if I said the fact that Gon and Killua lost their virginity before me makes me uncomfortable" They both laughed and finished their desserts before leaving the restaurant. 

 

"Well, I'm gonna head back to my jet. I had a really good night. I'll see you tom-" Leorio was cut of by Kurapika when he place a hand on his forearm.

"Stay with me?" Kurapika knew why they called it liquid courage. "I can sleep on the couch or something. We hardly ever see eachother so we may as well make the most of it." Leorio stared down at the blonde. He had all but sobered up with the fresh air. 

"Eh... Yeah sure. I'll take the couch..." Kurapika gave him a small smile before boldly slipping his hand into the older man's. Kurapika's hands weren't soft. They were very much calloused but it didn't bother Leorio in the slightest as he gripped the smaller hand. 

 

.....

 

It had taken Kurapika the full walk back to the apartment to sober up but his hand remained in Leorio's even as he pushed the door open and stepped inside. 

"Do you want a coffee or something?" Kurapika asked as he pulled his jumper over his head and stepped out of his shoes. 

"It's eleven o clock, I haven't drank coffee this late since my finals and I don't plan to revert to the habit. Thank you." Leorio replied as he shrugged off his suit jacket and undid his tie. Kurapika walked to his bedroom and came back out with pillows and a blanket. 

"I'll take the couch, I'm smaller." Kurapika said as he began to make a bed for himself on the sofa. "I would offer you something to sleep in but I doubt anything would fit." Kurapika said looking at Leorio again on the opposite sofa and once again noticing how much the dark haired man had filled out. "I did miss you, Leorio. And I did want to call you. Just so you know." 

"I know." Leorio decided to just take the words instead of starting another argument. "You know." Leorio peered into the bedroom. "I really don't mind sharing a bed. It is a double bed after all." He looked at Kurapika. "It would be a lot more comfortable than the couch." 

"If you don't mind, I don't mind." Kurapika was anything but averse to the idea. If he was being honest, he quite liked the idea of sharing a bed with Leorio. 

So the two of them entered the bedroom. Leorio shamelessly as usual stripped down to his boxers and climbed under the covers and watched an awkward looking, blushing Kurapika still in his dress shirt and pants. "Do you plan on sleeping fully clothed? Whatever's comfortable I guess." 

"No I do not. Close your eyes." Kurapika turned to face the wall so his back was to Leorio. Leorio did not close his eyes. He watched as Kurapika undid his belt and stepped out of his pants so he was just wearing a shirt and boxers. He bent down to pick up his pants, giving Leorio a right view. The older male decided to release a low whistle, raising his eyebrows. Kurapika snorted. 

"Pervert," He smirked as he folded his pants, secretly loving the attention. He had always been aware of the mutual attraction between the two of them. Neither one of them was particularly good at hiding it but neither one had ever admitted it. He undid the buttons of his shirt and slowly, seductively let it slide down his shoulders, pooling around his waist and wrists before glancing at Leorio silently over his shoulder. The dark haired man didn’t even try hide his staring. Smiling to himself and feeling a lot more nervous, Kurapika pulled the shirt off his wrists and lay it folded beside his pants. It was then that he heard Leorio shuffle and walk towards him. He didn't turn around but jumped when he felt Leorio's cold hands sliding around his abdomen. The dark haired man's breath on his neck caused every hair on his body to stand on edge. Kurapika let out a light sigh when he felt Leorio's lips graze across his shoulder then up his neck before gently biting his earlobe taking care not to get a moutful of the Kurta earing that hung there. 

"Leorio?" Kurapika turned around in his arms to look up into his warm brown eyes. 

"You're so beautiful Pika," was all he said before he gently took his chin between his thumb and his finger to guide the shorter man's lips to his.Kurapika lay his palms gently flat on Leorio’s chest. At first their kisses were soft and closed mouthed. Gentle pecks while they found their footing. The tentative gentleness in Leorio's movements melted Kurapika's heart but he needed more. Remembering what he had learned that night in the backseat of his car, Kurapika opened his mouth and clumsily sweeped his tongue along Leorio's bottom lip. This ignited a chain reaction in Leorio who expertly deepened the kiss and freely explored Kurapika's mouth with his tongue. The whole sensation of it all elicited a small moan from Kurapika. Leorio's hands moved down towards the blonde's waist while the other boy stretched up to wrap his hands around Leorio's neck. Their mouths moved against eachother, hot and relentless, turning Leorio's body to liquid fire. Kurapika tasted slightly of wine and spices and something else that was completely unique to him and it drove Leorio insane. 

"Kurapika." Leorio said halfway between a groan and a prayer as he bent down to grab the backs of his thighs and lifted him with ease up without breaking their kiss. Kurapika let out a quiet squeak at the change in positions but responded by wrapping his legs around Leorio's waist, the taller man's desire becoming very prominent pressed against him like this. It sent rushes of pleasure down Kurapika. The blonde held Leorio's face between his hand and continued kissing him as he was carried to the bed. Leorio laid him down gently before climbing on top of him, between his legs. He looked up into Leorio's eyes and Leorio stared back. They were full of lust and desire but mostly tenderness and happiness. The expanse of Leorio's bare chest above him stunned Kurapika for a second. He placed his hand in the center of it, not breaking eye contact but loving the feeling of his chest hair under his palm. Leorio kissed Kurapika's forehead before leaning back to really look at him.

Leorio looked at him hungrily, marveling at the pale beauty of the boy under him, loving the way his blonde hair splayed out on the pillow he was lying on. He was slender and lean, his toned chest and stomach rising and falling with each laboured breath. Then something red and glistening caught Leorio's eye. "Oh my God I never knew your belly button was pierced!" This sent shivers down the older man's spine and aroused him impossibly more. 

"It's a Kurta tradition." Kurapika replied before pulling Leorio back down to crash their lips together once more. He no longer had to worry about lack of erections. He just needed to find the right person. And he had.

"So fucking sexy." Leorio managed to usher between kisses. The touch of Kurapika's hands was undoing him as short nails lightly clawed at his back. Kurapika brought his knees up to clasp Leorio's hips in attempts to create some kind of friction. Leorio rocked against him and the blonde let out a breathy moan against his lips. Deciding this wasn't enough, Kurapika brought his hand down to clasp the hem of Leorio's boxers and looked at him questioningly. Leorio shuddered against him and met Kurapika's gaze. The blonde shivered at the hunger, desire and impatience in the dark haired man's brown orbs. 

"You sure?" Leorio half growled, low and huskily. Kurapika nodded and reached across to his bedside locker and pulled an unlabeled bottle from the draw then handed it to Leorio, meeting his gaze headstrong. 

"I want this." Kurapika felt bold and leaned up to graze his lips on the doctor's ear. "I want you inside me." That was it for Leorio. Kurapika broke him. Dispelling the barriers between them, Leorio worked on preparing Kurapika, relishing every moan that it elicited from the blonde's lips. 

"Is this okay? Tell me if it hurts." Kurapika responded by grounding down onto Leorio's fingers, needing more friction. Not wanting it to end too soon Leorio figured the blonde was ready and hovered over him holding his gaze. Kurapika locked his ankles behind Leorio's calves, pinning him against him and making his body a cradle for the older man before he pushed in. Leorio found his lips again before moving to plant open mouthed kisses along the blonde's jaw and down his neck before stopping to gently suck his collar bone. Kurapika became vocal as the sensations became more intense and Leorio increased his pace. He clawed at the dark haired man's back as the pleasure of it all multiplied. Fire raced up and down Kurapika's veins as he arched himself against Leorio while the older grabbed at his hipbones. 

"Leorio..." Kurapika half moaned half sobbed. He never knew anything could feel so amazing. He was so accustomed to pain and grief and mourning. He never knew he had the ability to feel like this. He wasn't meant for happiness. He didn't get what he wanted.

"Your eyes are beautiful Pika." Leorio breathed and reached out to wipe a tear that had gathered at the corner of the Kurta's eye. He had never seen this kind of scarlet. It was more of a deep magenta and it filled Leorio with love for the boy beneath him. He never wanted to see the intense, angry scarlet ever again. Not after seeing the true beauty of the scarlet eyes. Kurapika's features softened and Leorio leaned down to capture his lips once more. Their lips moved together like they had been doing it for years. Kurapika's breath came in sobbing gasps as he was about to be pushed over the edge. He shut his eyes tight and focused on the sensation of Leorio's body against his own.

"Look at me." Leorio coaxed him though his words came out in ragged husky breaths, Kurapika could tell he was as close as he was. Kurapika opened his eyes and met Leorio brown ones. That act alone made the older man shudder against him and increase his pace even more causing Kurapika to let out a high pitch moaned. 

"Leorio..."

"Kurapika. I love you." 

The pleasure blew up inside Kurapika and set every one of his nerves on fire. He daren't look away from Leorio as he cried out, not believing the feeling he was experiencing. Leorio growled as he climaxed along with Kurapika. They held each others gaze until Leorio couldn't hold himself up any more and he collapsed into Kurapika's shoulder, ignoring the sticky wetness that painted both their stomachs. The blonde closed his eyes and ran his hand through the older man's hair as he whispered Kurapika's name into his neck over and over again. 

"I love you too."

 

..... 

 

They lay in bed that night wrapped up in a tangle of limbs with Kurapika's head nestled securely against Leorio's firm chest. 

"I meant what I said earlier." Kurapika moved back against Leorio's arms to look at the dark haired man in the eye. "I would like to accompany you around the world." Leorio looked down at his new lover with hope. "I mean, its going to be some time before circumstance will allow for that. I still have a while to go before I can solely concentrate on retrieving the eyes but if you can wait..." Leorio wrapped his arms tightly around the blonde and planted a kiss on top of his head.

"Of course I'll wait." Kurapika could hear the smile in Leorio's voice. "Oh and Pika, happy birthday." Leorio whispered before they both fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I’ve never written smut before and I didnt want it to be like in your face porn or overly descriptive. I wanted it to be more meaningful than that. And I hope I’m not offending anyone when I talked about the my interpretation of Kurta’s view on sexuality and identity. It was meant to be like peaceful?? Idk. Anyway let me know what you think!


End file.
